Even though she has passed on, she is still my mother and boy, I really do love her…
In 2015, I wrote a poem to my mother in honor of her for Mother’s Day. Even though she has passed on, she is still my mother and boy, I really do love her. However, when you read this poem, you’ll understand the tragedy that I caused and still suffer to this day. I would LOVE that if this poem goes out, my hope would be that daughters and mothers who are at odds with each other can learn from my mistake. I hope, if anything, you can see that I treasure my mother and could only wish I had 5 more minutes with her.
In Honor of My Dear Mother:
There’s a light shining down from far above;
I know it’s there, it’s bright…it’s my mother’s love.
I’m feeling it a little more than I usually say,
because today marks the 31st year of her passing away.
Beautiful, energetic, an artist, and only 41,
Only God knows why she was taken so young.
There’s not a lot about her, personally, I can say,
I never knew her well because at 14 I ran away.
“I know there’s a beautiful woman, underneath all that anger!”
On her deathbed she wrote, for me to read later.
At the time, it made no sense, why she wrote such a letter,
“What did she know?” I thought, “my life will be better!”
October 18th 1984 was her sentence to die.
But who was I to cry? It was much easier to live a lie.
“It’s okay…I don’t care, I didn’t love her anyway,”
Yes! I would say that to people every single day!
We never got along, you see, never got the chance to be friends.
Not from the beginning of my teens, and not even in the end.
I continued to deny her; her death and her life,
It was her fault I was having all my woes and my strife.
Trials and tribulations came and went like the clouds in the sky,
Why?! Why?! Why did she have to die? Why couldn’t I cry?
Years went by and no answers came, with nobody to blame,
but myself and my anger…and then came the shame.
I did love her, want her, needed her; so much time lost.
We never know when the people we love most will pay the cost.
I love you! I’m sorry! If I could only have one more day,
I would say these things and more – please stay, don’t go away!
Why do we have to learn these lessons the hard way in life?
For when they happen, it hurts so bad, cutting deep like a knife.
And when it’s all said and done, and they’re buried, gone for good,
that’s when we seem to realize our chance is done, that’s it, final, it’s understood.
So, I sit and wonder if she would be proud of me, if she were alive today?
If she could see my children…my life, knowing I found my way.
I feel the answer is yes, feeling that light, that warmth from up above,
because it could only be one thing, the thing I know of…that thing called mother’s love.
Rest In Peace Momma, I love you up to the sky and down to the earth.
